Puppy Love in the Classroom: Teacher Dos and Don’ts of Student Relationships

Ah, young love. There’s something so sweet about the way students start navigating relationships, especially in the sixth grade. It’s a time of major transitions, where the awkwardness, vulnerability, and those first little crushes start to pop up. One day, they’re focused on recess, and after Christmas break, a few of them hit that hormonal growth spurt. But by Spring Break? Almost everyone is on board. Suddenly, you see lunch “dates,” notes passed during class, and even some stolen hand-holding. It’s the time of year when “all the feels” really start to take over. It’s important that we recognize how these budding student relationships play a huge role in their social and emotional development.

Benefits of Watching Student Relationships Evolve

There are so many benefits to this time in a student’s life. Honestly, it’s such a privilege to witness it firsthand. Below are reasons why I love watching these student relationships blossom.

Getting to See Kids Grow and Mature

One of the best parts of this phase is getting to see how much our students grow. Not just physically but emotionally too. That awkward transition from crushes to actual friendships and connections is a window into their developing maturity. It’s amazing to see how much they change in just a few months. Student relationships start off unsure of how to express feelings and are full of giggles. By the end of the year, some of them have learned so much about communication and empathy.

It’s So Sweet and Innocent

Let’s face it, this stage of student relationships is adorable. There’s a purity to their interactions. It’s all about passing notes, giggling with friends, and taking those nervous first steps toward expressing how they feel. It’s refreshing to watch something so innocent unfold, especially in today’s world, where kids are growing up faster than ever.

You Can Confirm Who’s More Mature (and Who’s Still Developing)

This time also offers a great chance to see where each student is developmentally. Some of our kiddos hit the ground running with student relationships, while others take a little longer. That’s okay! It gives us insight into their social-emotional development. It also allows us to support them in the areas where they need it most.

Along the way, it also reminds us to be patient with those still finding their way and the incessant giggling. If bodily functions still cause giggling, then you know for sure that crushes will too.

Have Fun with It and Build Your Relationships with Your Students

This time is a great opportunity for us as teachers to build stronger relationships with our students. It’s a chance to show them that we’re there to support them, even in these little moments of growing up. By being approachable and understanding, we can create bonds that last long after the school year ends. Plus, it’s fun to witness those crushes from the sidelines and have a few lighthearted conversations with them about it!

Signs to Watch Out For With Student Relationships

As sweet and innocent as these budding relationships are, there are definitely some key behaviors to keep an eye on. We all know how creative kids can get when it comes to hiding their newfound crushes. Below are a few things I always watch for when it comes to student relationships.

Whispering, Lots of Whispering

You’ll start to notice clusters of students huddling together, whispering and giggling. It’s usually harmless, but it can sometimes lead to distractions. Their focus is more on each other than on learning. Keep your ears perked as well because whispering can also lead to gossiping and harmful words directed to other students about said relationship.

Note-Passing

Ah, the classic note-passing! It’s been mentioned a few times so far. Despite the tech-savvy generation we’re teaching, there’s something timeless about handwritten notes. You might see a spike in this during class or left behind on a desk or on the floor.

While it’s cute, it can also become a classroom management challenge if it interrupts your lesson. If you see it happening, quietly take care of it. Sometimes just walking in the vicinity or a quiet whisper to “put that away” is enough to solve the problem. You can also take possession of the note, but please don’t read it aloud to the class like they do in the movies.

Kids Sitting with Different Groups at Lunch

Pay attention to who’s sitting with whom during lunch. This is a big sign for student relationships, especially in middle school, that there’s a shift happening. It’s not unusual to see them suddenly switch up their lunch groups as they try to spend time with their new crushes. It’s a subtle shift, but it’s worth noticing!

Seat Arranging on Field Trips

When field trips roll around, you’ll see students trying to arrange seats with their special someone. Those extra minutes sitting in the same spot there and back are highly wanted! It’s a small change but also one of those telltale signs of a budding relationship. It can be fun to observe. It also means we need to keep a closer eye on seating arrangements.

Hand-holding in Line or on the Playground

It’s always a clear sign when you spot hand-holding during recess, standing by lockers, or while standing in line. It’s usually innocent, but I make sure to monitor this so things don’t escalate or create drama among their peers. There will be drama, but hopefully, some of it can be lessened.

Make sure that you are familiar with your school’s rules on this type of behavior and do your best to enforce them consistently. It’s also an opportunity to start a discussion on PDA (public displays of affection) in different locations.

Possibly Stolen Kisses Before or After School

Speaking of drama and whispers! You might even hear about (or catch a glimpse of) a quick kiss before or after school. While this can seem like a big step for them, it’s important to approach these situations with sensitivity. This is a new and often confusing time for them, but they also need to be aware of the setting.

Frequent Bathroom Breaks Together

I’m not sure why bathrooms become so fascinating while at school, but they do. If two or more students start asking to go to the bathroom at the same time a little too often, it’s worth checking in. This can sometimes be a way for them to sneak away and avoid supervision.

Not All Relationships Are Heterosexual

It’s also essential to remember that not all student relationships will be heterosexual. For some students, this time may be when they start exploring or revealing their sexual orientation or identity. A homosexual or non-binary relationship can be especially vulnerable. Many of these students aren’t out yet. It’s crucial to create a safe and supportive environment for all students. We also need to recognize that navigating this phase can be a highly emotional experience for them. We need to be their allies and ensure they feel accepted, no matter what.

How Teachers Can Handle Student Relationships

When it comes to handling student relationships, there are a few different approaches. Every situation can call for something unique. Sometimes, the best strategy is to simply ignore it. After all, most of these crushes and friendships are innocent and harmless. As long as it’s not interfering with learning, sometimes letting them navigate this phase on their own is the way to go.

Of course, we all know that things like note-passing can get out of hand, especially when it starts to become a distraction. You could always use the classroom discipline system to address it. There are also other ways to turn it into a teachable moment. I remember a time when I caught a few students passing notes. Instead of just penalizing them, I turned it into a class activity. I made an overhead of their notes, and we corrected them for grammar, spelling, and sentence structure. It was lighthearted, but it got the point across. We all laughed about it. Plus, it took away the allure of being sneaky, which usually solves the issue quickly.

There are times when you may need to take a more serious approach when it comes to student relationships. Calling home is an option, but it’s one you have to be very careful with. Not every student is out to their parents. If you unintentionally reveal an LGBTQIA+ issue, it could cause serious problems for the student at home. It’s always important to gauge the situation first and handle it with sensitivity.

Sometimes, a one-on-one conversation is the best route. Pulling the students aside for a quick chat about what’s appropriate at school can go a long way. I’ve found that most kids don’t mean to cause any trouble. They just don’t always know where the boundaries are. Talking to them in a calm, understanding way can clear things up and help them learn that school isn’t the time or place for these things. We need to be sensitive to what they’re going through. Hormones are real. These feelings are a normal part of growing up, so it’s important to acknowledge that without making them feel embarrassed.

If you’re noticing these behaviors across the class or grade level, sometimes a general talk with everyone is a great way to handle it without singling anyone out. A quick, non-targeted reminder about what’s appropriate in school when it comes to student relationships can help reset the tone without making any student feel uncomfortable. It’s all about finding a balance between being supportive and maintaining the focus on learning.

Navigating the Drama With Student Relationships

We all know that student relationships, especially in middle school, can sometimes stir up a bit of drama. It’s part of growing up. Our students are learning how to interact with each other on a deeper level. Sometimes, things get a little messy. That’s where we come in! This is a great opportunity to teach our students how to navigate conflicts in a healthy, mature way while avoiding unnecessary drama.

One of the best things we can do is provide them with conflict resolution techniques. It can be through role-playing scenarios, group discussions, or simple reminders. All of these ways help them understand how to calmly talk through disagreements, which can make a huge difference. Teaching students to use “I” statements (“I feel,” “I need”) instead of pointing fingers is one small but impactful way to keep conversations respectful.

Another key is emphasizing kindness in every situation. When our students learn that kindness is at the heart of how we treat each other, they’re less likely to let disagreements spiral into something bigger. Encourage empathy. Helping them see things from the other person’s perspective can also go a long way in diffusing conflict.

Sometimes, it’s as simple as helping them manage their emotions in the moment. We can teach them techniques like taking a deep breath or stepping away to cool down before reacting. These small strategies can prevent arguments from building into drama that spreads across the whole class.

Additional Resources for Supporting Students

Looking for more ways to build rapport with your students? Explore these other resources to help you be a strong support system for them throughout the year.

• Clubs in School: Nurturing Student Development and Unleashing Hidden Talents
• The Best Back to School Activities for Kids

Student Relationships Are A Part of Middle School

Student relationships are an important part of our students’ growth, both academically and emotionally. Watching these connections form and evolve is sweet and can sometimes be the most entertaining part of teaching. While it can come with its share of drama, we have a unique opportunity to guide our students through this phase with empathy, kindness, and a little humor. By supporting them as they navigate these relationships, we help them develop social skills they’ll carry with them for life. So, embrace this part of their journey. Continue building those positive student relationships every step of the way to best support them!

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